I told my physician that I seemed to be in the tertiary stage of the disease. He looked at me for a long time before saying,
“Do you know what that means?”
I gave him a puzzled look, cocked my head, and waited for him to go on.
“In this case, it would mean you are dead.”
“Oh. Well. No. I’m not dead. I’m feeling much better at the core of things, but I’m still sick. What stage is that?”
His snooty self replied, “That means you’re getting better just like I told you you would. Ms. Robbins, your penchant for reading internet medical sites is concerning. It ties you up in knots, you seem to go for the worst possible scenario, and, at the real core of things, I don’t think it good for someone like you with hypochondriacal tendencies.”
“I am not a hypochondriac. You and I both know that I’m sick. You even called in a multitude of prescriptions.”
“Yes. But it’s a garden variety ailment, the prognosis is very good, and you have no underlying conditions to complicate matters. Please quit reading pub med. It just winds you up. By the way, when do you next see your psychiatrist.”
“My psychiatrist doesn’t think I’m a hypochondriac.”
“Are you sure of that?”
“Listen to me, doc, I will not brook aspersions to my character. Or cryptic questions. I am treated for simple situational depression which compounds when Seasonal Affective Depressive Disorder kicks in during late autumn. My shrink has no need to flip through the DSM 5 TR looking for diagnostic codes.”
“See, that’s just it. You shouldn’t even know there is a DSM 5 TR.”
“I’m an informed medical consumer. If not, I’d have to rely on you guys to get it right every time and clearly, you don’t! Remember the Great Ibuprofin Scare of 2022?”
“Miss Robbins we are done here. Perhaps you would be happier with another physician. I would be willing to refer you to some that I think would be a good match for you.”
“Don’t like being talked back to, do you? Yes, I think another physician is in order. Oh. And I will instruct the insurance company to decline payment for this appointment as nothing of a medical nature was discussed, examined, or diagnosed. Goodbye, Doctor.”
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W. Va. Fur and Root 
He’s right about reading medical stuff on line. It never leads to your mind being soothed, and all too often gives you the wrong idea about what’s really going on.
Encroaching 65 is no fun. I’ve literally shut my phone down because I get dozens of spam calls from all over. Even states I’ve never been to and I’ve been to a lot of states. Physically and mentally. I entertain reviewing the variety of symptoms I experience but it’s up to the physicians to ask the questions and determine a diagnosis for what ails me. Their job not mine. Else I’d have gone thru the years it takes to get the degree and certification. Same goes for the law. Awareness is important but when it comes to questioning the trained experience, I leave it to the pros.
Y’all this is fiction. I was trying to make both the doctor and the patient as obnoxious as possible.