When Chef Boy ‘R Mine was a wee lad, Valentine’s Day was a high holiday. We had to make a big deal out of the day or the kid would have just died. Below is a card he made for me in school before he could even write his name. I have cherished it all these years and present it here for your admiration.
He was such a cute kid! I especially love the inside of the card. The heart person complete with heart arms and legs just crack me up. I think it was supposed to be his signature.
This year, I am my own Valentine. I generally love being single, but there are days, today one of them, when I wouldn’t mind someone to send me flowers or give me a card or let me know that they love me. Still and all, I’m happy.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you!
The Beautiful Babette and Doug
Today I’ve been reflective about all the changes that have occurred in the past few years – chief of these the loss of Doug, my partner, and The Beautiful Babette, the sweetest Shih Tzu of all time.
The Mexican Day of the Dead celebrations are joyous affairs. While reflective, I was also happy in my memories of Doug and Babette today. It’s been long enough that it doesn’t hurt to think about them. I like the idea that they might be walking among us today and tomorrow. I hope they’re together and I hope they think of me as fondly as I think of them.
While I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how easy Thanksgiving and Christmas were this year, I suspected that New Year’s would be hard.
2013 was a truly awful year. Doug was hospitalized beginning in November of 2012 on an off, including several stints in ICU, culminating with his death in June. While still reeling from that, the Beautiful Babette died in October and before I could catch my breath from that, the shelter dog I adopted died within a month.
I learned a lot this year, but mostly I learned that anger is both destructive and constructive, love never dies, memories get sweeter, and people are basically good. I learned how loved I am and how blessed I’ve been.
Still. It’s been an awful year and I’ve eagerly looked forward to 2014.
I knew I had to get past this night though. Doug and I didn’t always have Christmas together. Only after he moved here did we have Thanksgiving together. But we usually managed New Year’s. We always had live Maine lobster and copious amounts of champagne. Sometimes we’d get silly and dance. Sometimes we’d gaze lovingly into one another’s eyes. One time we watched a Twilight Zone marathon and I laughed at how none of my womanly ways could distract him.
This holiday seems wrong without him. I have the champagne, but couldn’t bring myself to order lobster. I’m not listening to music or watching television though I am poking my nose into Facebook. I don’t want to wallow, but I do want to acknowledge these feelings of loss.
This is the holiday he most should have been here for and is not. I’m a little lost with what to do with myself. I miss him a lot tonight.
I am just all discombobulated. I think it’s because I worked Thursday and Friday of this week.
I have not worked the stretch between Christmas Eve and New Year’s since 1988. Because of this and that, I went back to work on the 26th and plan on working every day but the 1st. My internal clock and calendar are just whirling about in confusion.
This past Thursday, I was convinced it was January 2nd and was trying to figure out what happened to the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Now it’s Saturday and I’m trying to enforce some downtime on myself as I have every reason to be exhausted, but my mind is whirling with all the things I need to do to have the house ready for the arrival of Carruthers (my sort-of step-daughter) on January 7th. By my clock, January 7th is upon me, but all the others indicate I’ve got some time.
You can’t just do something one way for 26 years and stop willy nilly. I will not be working this week next year – it’s just too hard on me.
So, if it were indeed the new year, I would be prattling on about resolutions and the lack thereof and assorted and sundry topics related to such. And I feel like writing, but don’t have anything timely to say.
I am really out of step. The answer may be wine.