Exhale (let it out)

I can let my breath out. 

Since October or so, I’ve been holding it.  Tense.  Frenetic.  The holidays.  The winter.  Illness. No respite.  Certainly no hibernation.  But now…I can exhale. 

I blame it on the time change.  On work.  On any number of things, but I sleep this time of year.  The sleep of the innocent.  In long stretches under a goose-down duvet.  Deep sleep where I inhale the cool nights and exhale the warmer days.

The greening of Appalachia is my time on the calendar just as this place is my spot on the planet.  I never had a favorite season if you don’t count school years and summer vacation until I was hit full in my psyche with my first Appalachian spring.  May, Memorial Day weekend, 1974. I was 14.  I remember the gobsmacking.  I never had a favorite place until this geography invaded my soul.  The mountains wrapping me in comfort like a goose-down duvet on a cool night.

The inconsolate beauty of the mountains in new greenery does bring tears. It’s a sight to behold even if you did grow up with it.  Even after fifty years of Appalachian springs.  They are never routine.  Never ho-hum.  They command attention.  The forsythia, the daffodils, the magnolia, the pear trees, the redbud, and yet to come this year, the blackberry. 

Manicured lawn with an explosion of color in town.  Wild free-form landscapes out here.  Hundreds, perhaps thousands, (yes, really) white and yellow daffodils out my kitchen window.

I remember planting them.  I bought 150 bulbs for naturalizing from one of those mail-order nurseries with preprint ads in the Sunday paper.  I duly planted each and every one in heavy clay with a tablespoon of bulb fertilizer and a ¼ cup of composted manure. 

Thirty-five years ago. 

They have doubled and quadrupled and carried on.  The incessant reproduction of spring.  Each year.  More.  And more until now.  I drive up my hill after a frenetic winter.  After a long day at work.  I round the curve.  The trees thin and there are my daffodils on the hillside.  Nodding in the west wind of a spring breeze.  The white pear tree petals scattered on the ground.  The purple redbud highlighting the nascent green of the forest.  The azaleas readying for bloom.

I can breathe when the earth can.  Winter is over.  Full technicolor. 

“Mr. DeMille, I am ready for my close up.”

And I am.  It is a time for renewal.  For breeding.  For birth. 

Hallelujah.  It is spring.

Adventures in Rural Living

Paulo Coelho says, “The adrenaline and stress of an adventure are better than a thousand peaceful days.” 

Normally, I’d agree with old Paulo.  Today?  Not so much.

I’ve had adventures in my lifetime.  Due to my Inner Drama Queen even events that aren’t exactly adventures qualify because I make mountains out of molehills – both good and bad.

Today, I’m hoping the mountain is a molehill.  I have to get down my hill. Have to.  I will be stark raving mad if I do not.

I have been out one day in the past two weeks.  One day.  I am stir crazy. I am beyond stir crazy.  I’m eating everything in sight, talking to myself, and even considering cleaning. 

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Donnie’s Wake

Donnie talked about Pocahontas County all the time. Camping there. I wasn’t interested. We were neck deep in converting the barn and my whole life was a primitive camping trip. I didn’t think I needed to wander into the Wild and Wonderful to experience more awkward cooking attempts and uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. My life was full of such.

She continued to wax poetic. Lyrical, an ode to the Williams River and I told her I was sure it was beautiful. But declined.

And then she was diagnosed with breast cancer. And then it metastasized before we were even able to process the news.

She wanted a last trip to the river. And we agreed to go along.

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Petrichor

We’d finally had rain. I was standing in a clearing on the heavily forested mountain.  Though the drought had been brief, I had been worried.  My house is made of old wood and sits amid the oaks – forest fires are worrisome.

I took a deep breath and felt the week’s stress being expelled with my exhale and the day’s fragrance of much needed rain inhaled bringing a sense of well-being.  I felt my inner compass shift to true north.  I was where I needed to be when I needed to be there.  At ease, relaxed, and enjoying the silence save that of the bird song.  I should make this walk a part of my daily routine. I vowed to do so.  But I’ve made this vow before.  Real life has such a hold on me.  I really do need to make more room for the magic and peace inherent in my surroundings.  I was fortunate to live in a forest and I should maximize it. But there are so many shoulds in my life.  It’s hard to accommodate them all.

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