The Revolt My hands cramp, fingers arching backward. Arthritis. Two Advil daily. My lower back aches, stooping my spine. My arches continue their path to flat. It feels like betrayal this revolt. I was supple and graceful once upon a time. First a disco queen and then a yoga diva. This revolt surprises me. The me that was me that will always be me is still there. But aging and menopause have not been kind to me. I tell the young’uns not to get old --- there’s no future in it. My arm wattles jiggle when I do goddess pose. Oh, how I wanted something to jiggle when I was 13. Unnaturally thin for most of my life, I longed for hips and breasts. I had neither until the hot flashes were spent. This extra weight is foreign to me. There doesn’t seem to be a map for this territory. I am frequently besmirched by the indignities of old age. The beginnings of incontinence, dull dry brittle hair, my oily skin suddenly flaky and wrinkled. But the acne has persisted. I buy moisturizer and acne remedies. I’ve quit wearing eyeliner. The crepe underneath my eyes prevents a straight line. My beloved shoes languish in the closet. My balance precarious -- four-inch heels may be my past. This menopause cleavage astounds me. Oh, how I had longed for breasts and now am plagued by underwire. This revolt aggravates me. My visage in the mirror a shock. Who is that woman? I feel weighed down by this body in revolt, but I practice yoga and I continue to dance. My spirit intact. The me that was me that will always be me is still there. In revolt against the revolt.
I contracted COVID in October.
By all reckoning, I had a mild case: headache, slight shortness of breath, fatigue, brain fog, and some muscle pain.
I am what they call a long hauler with what they are now calling Long COVID. There is no real treatment for it. The doctors just don’t know what to do.. I still have COVID symptoms and some of them are getting worse.
I just started month 9.
I’ve lost the headache, but the shortness of breath is increasing, the fatigue is debilitating, and I get through the day only by the grace of Tylenol, Advil, and a boatload of supplements.
This sucks. I want my life back.
Get the vaccine and wear a mask. Do it for you.
Folks keep asking how I am. Including Doug Imbrogno over at WestVirginiaVille, so I wrote an essay. It’s over there —> on their site.
I drew a self-portrait for the piece, but Doug, founder and editor, didn’t use it. Alas. My artistic talents are unappreciated.
COVID Update: I started feeling bad on Monday. Was tested Tuesday and got a positive result on Thursday. Today is Saturday. I am somewhat better and thus far this has not even been as bad as a cold. Very odd. If I were prone to conspiracy theories, I might buy into it, but I’ve read too many stories of people really suffering. I am thankful to not be one of those people. And I appreciate your thoughts, spells, candles, prayers, juju and magic. It’s working!