Where did you find this card?  It is scrumptious — hand-made paper and a soft watercolor image that I think might have been an original.  You didn’t make this, did you?  Was this all your handiwork?

If so, I’ve never had a handmade card deliver an I’m breaking up with you message before. 

Your card arrived in the mail today.  I noticed the pink envelope first, and then my heart beat faster when I saw it was your handwriting. 

You’ve always been an original. 

My heart stopped for a minute after I read the first line. Although those opening words were innocuous, I knew what was coming.  I knew as soon as I saw your writing on the envelope. 

I knew. 

As beautiful as the art was, as kind and gentle as the message was, I confess to being angered that you chose this way to let me know that you’d moved on.  What’s her name?  I know you too well.  You wouldn’t have cut me loose until my replacement had been found.  Lois.  Poor Lois.  How did you tell her when you found me? 

A handmade card filled with your elegant script, flattery, and apologies?

Yes, of course, I’ll move on.  Yes, of course, I’ll find someone new.  Yes, of course, I will have a good life.  I think you meant well, but oh how condescending those platitudes are.   

Fuck you.  You’re a coward and a cheat.  I should have known.  What goes around comes around.  I know that.  I’ve known that for years. I guess I thought I was special.  I guess I thought you were special, too. 

Live and learn. 

Now there’s a platitude worth heeding.