A Scrapbook Tree

I’ve been standing here for 5 or 6 years.  She can’t bear to take me down, but she doesn’t spend any time in this room either.  She’s always called me a scrapbook tree.  Every ornament is a memory of a person, place, or thing.  There is a seahorse to commemorate her first trip back to the beach since 1980.  There is a graduation cap with a tassel to recognize the adventure that completing her degree in her 40s was.

There is a heart with a pink ribbon for the second best friend who died.  Oddly there is not one for the first best friend.  I wonder when that will occur to her.  There is a sunflower for the third and best best friend who died.

Her dad is well represented – a miniature Marine in dress blues as well as a “lid” with the Marine Corps insignia on it.  There is not an ornament for her grandchild.  She has bought them, but they lay in boxes waiting for her energy and desire to return.  She also has a COVID mask at the ready to remember the pandemic and resultant case of long COVID.

Most years, I am adored and celebrated.  She takes photo after photo.  She’s very proud of me. 

But she’s grieving.  Still the best friend, still the father, still her lover.  She is grieving the circumstances surrounding her only grandchild.  She is grieving her lost youth.  She is grieving her mother’s dementia.  She is grieving her physical decimation that COVID wrought in her body.

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What made you start cooking? A guest blog by Jeremy Leinen aka Chef Boy ‘R Mine

I’m sure many chefs get asked the question all the time of how they found their way into the kitchen. There are a few of the usual stories that get shared but it’s not always the cookie-cutter story of helping mom or grandma.

For me, it’s half typical and half not. At a pretty young age, I was helping my mom make bread- I think I was six years old. It was the Betty Crocker Cookbook and I recall using a standard white bread. A side story is that this bread got an unlikely nickname as “the bread with the hole in the top.” To explain, my mom was apparently in a hurry one time she made it and didn’t form the dough firmly enough when placing it into the loaf pan, leaving a pocket of air where the dough was folded. This resulted in a hole in each slice of bread, and thus the name. Despite its technical shortfall, it was very tasty bread. In addition to that recipe, we also made a recipe from the book for a potato dough called “Refrigerator Roll Dough.” I still use this recipe from time to time, as I find it very easy to work with and it’s very forgiving with its overnight proof in the refrigerator. After a couple of years of helping her, by the time I was nine or ten, I made the bread myself for Thanksgiving. The following year, I was probably too ambitious for my own good and failed at attempting to make croissants. There were tears and some butter angrily thrown into the trash can when I couldn’t get it to cooperate, but making bread with Mom is otherwise one of my fonder childhood memories. I also helped Mom with making pies, which were sometimes simple with store-bought pie shells, but not always- Mom got pretty serious about pie sometimes. She also made a yearly batch of what she referred to as “killer chili,” which is based around a more traditional “Chile con Carne” and not this ground beef and beans nonsense that gets sold in a can. Mom made chili that took a couple of days and $100, and that’s when $100 was actually worth something.

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Bubble Baths

I am addicted to pleasure.  I am a full-blown hedonist and I make no apology for it.  Indeed, I celebrate and encourage this aspect of my personality.  My favorite word is AND.  Go big or go home.  Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.  Etc. I have many mottos that at heart just mean I am into the good stuff. 

Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash

And good stuff does not necessarily mean expensive stuff.  For instance, this morning I had a bubble bath. A long, luxurious one with a fine hand-milled oatmeal soap scented with vanilla.  I smell like a warm cookie on this very cold morning.   

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The Persimmon Tree

The leaves are strewn about the foot of the tree and, if the sun is just right, the persimmon looks as if it was hung with Chinese lanterns.

Persimmon Tree by Behnaz Khanban

The tree bears fruit that is not edible until after the first frost.  The orange globes hang from bare branches and color a gloomy autumn day with their ethereal orange.  What a gift.

This time of year always finds me depressed and hopeless that the verdant mountains and abundant flowers will return.  We are all gray and black and brown.  The trees are naked and stark.  One persimmon here — up on my hill — would be a blessing.

To be like the persimmon – to produce vivid color in a black and white world.  To provide fruit when all else is spent and the earth waits for the snow cover.  To be a beautiful beacon of Mother Earth’s miracles.

I want to be a persimmon.