Stevie’s Favorite Treats Were Marshmallows

Stevie, bless her heart, would do anything for a marshmallow.  If you could make her understand what you wanted, she would enthusiastically do it.  For a miniature marshmallow.  Cold fusion in her in water bowl?  No problem.  Come here now.  With pleasure. Potty Outside. Well, maybe.  That one was a little more difficult. Dachshunds are notoriously difficult to housetrain. 

Stevie was short for Frauleinen Stephanie von Whomper. Yes Frauleinen. Leinen had been my married name.  Dachshunds were originally bred in Germany. My ex-husband’s people were German.  We thought we were so clever with that name.

Stevie was my son’s birthday gift one year. 

An internet friend had come to our house to meet me for the first time.  Negley was a story in herself, but we’ll save that for another time. She brought with her Whomper, her miniature dachshund.

Jeremy fell in love with Whomper.  In all fairness, she was an incredible dog.  It was Jeremy’s first experience with a dachshund. Whomper and Stevie both left an impression on his heart. It took us a few years, but we finally gave Jeremy a dachshund. He’s 40 now and has two dachshunds. He will never not have a dachshund.

My son might disagree, but Stevie was the best dachshund of all.  We got her as an 8-week-old puppy, and I had to keep her hidden for almost three days.  It was over a weekend, and I spent hours in the master bathroom sitting on the floor with a wiggly and tiny dachshund who was falling in love with me. And I her.

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The uterus is not a homing device.

Photo by Mika Ruusunen on Unsplash

“The uterus is not a homing device,” Rosanne Barr screeched.  I was channel surfing and happened upon her eponymous sitcom just as she uttered that line.  I had never heard the saying before. It turns out that it is an old feminist slogan that is considered overused. 

I laughed out loud.  I did. I sat back and enjoyed the rest of the show.

I’m not much of a television watcher, but that one line hooked me.  Barr was blazingly funny and insightful until she wasn’t. I was a faithful viewer until she, and the show, went off the rails.

Neither my now-ex-husband nor my son can find their own asses with two hands and a flashlight.  I was the designated Finder of Lost Things. By the time I heard Rosanne say, “The uterus is not a homing device,” I was weary of always and forever spending my free time trying to find their lost stuff.

Something snapped, and one time, I quietly responded, “I don’t know where your jockstrap is. I put it away the last time I used it.” And that was my standard response unless the missing item was something important to me.

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What made you start cooking? A guest blog by Jeremy Leinen aka Chef Boy ‘R Mine

I’m sure many chefs get asked the question all the time of how they found their way into the kitchen. There are a few of the usual stories that get shared but it’s not always the cookie-cutter story of helping mom or grandma.

For me, it’s half typical and half not. At a pretty young age, I was helping my mom make bread- I think I was six years old. It was the Betty Crocker Cookbook and I recall using a standard white bread. A side story is that this bread got an unlikely nickname as “the bread with the hole in the top.” To explain, my mom was apparently in a hurry one time she made it and didn’t form the dough firmly enough when placing it into the loaf pan, leaving a pocket of air where the dough was folded. This resulted in a hole in each slice of bread, and thus the name. Despite its technical shortfall, it was very tasty bread. In addition to that recipe, we also made a recipe from the book for a potato dough called “Refrigerator Roll Dough.” I still use this recipe from time to time, as I find it very easy to work with and it’s very forgiving with its overnight proof in the refrigerator. After a couple of years of helping her, by the time I was nine or ten, I made the bread myself for Thanksgiving. The following year, I was probably too ambitious for my own good and failed at attempting to make croissants. There were tears and some butter angrily thrown into the trash can when I couldn’t get it to cooperate, but making bread with Mom is otherwise one of my fonder childhood memories. I also helped Mom with making pies, which were sometimes simple with store-bought pie shells, but not always- Mom got pretty serious about pie sometimes. She also made a yearly batch of what she referred to as “killer chili,” which is based around a more traditional “Chile con Carne” and not this ground beef and beans nonsense that gets sold in a can. Mom made chili that took a couple of days and $100, and that’s when $100 was actually worth something.

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Encounter with a stranger I never saw again

The woman was sobbing as they rolled my gurney into the hospital room.  Her curtain was pulled so I couldn’t see her, but her sobs would have been heartbreaking had I not been in a state of euphoria.

I had just given birth to my miracle baby.  It was a miracle we conceived him.  It was a miracle when I sensed something wrong and went to my OB’s office.  It was a miracle my OB was out of town and another doctor with much smaller hands ended up tying the knot in the cervical cerclage stitch that closed my cervix and kept me pregnant.  It was a miracle that I was in labor for 9 weeks and the drugs kept me pregnant long enough for him to be viable.  It was a miracle that he was born 9 ½ weeks early and suffered little complications.  That’s no big deal now, but in 1985 that was a miracle.

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