creative nonfiction

I am David.

/ wvfurandroot / Leave a comment

The Philistines are upon me.  A great army across the valley taunting and tormenting my peaceful village.  I am afraid.   They are big, they are evil, and they want our peace of mind.  Our happy spirits.  They want to trample us in the mud and take our lives. To leave us as carrion on the valley floor.

Photo by Jianxiang Wu on Unsplash

Oh where is my David?  Where is the sling and the five smooth stones?  I need to triumph over the Philistines coming for me. Coming for us.

Their largest, Goliath, heaps insult upon me.  His very presence is a storm cloud over me and my heart is heavy, my mind churning, and my body trembling.  He can do so much damage to me and mine. 

Deliver me from this Philistine.

Oh, Lord, hear my prayer.

I drop to my knees and see that the daffodils have buds.  The wheel in the sky is turning.  Spring comes.  I feel hope in my chest flutter like an awakening bird. Not the peaceful dove, but the avenging hawk.

There is no David.  There is no sling.  There are no five smooth stones.  There is just me and my travails.  Just me and my scant courage. Oh Lord hear my prayer and give me the strength of the daffodils.

The strength to emerge victorious in frightening conditions.  The strength to outlast adversity.  The strength to blossom in deep snow.  Do not let this be a false spring. 

Bring me the peace of knowing that I am enough.  That I can lead a victorious life.  One that is free of the Philistines that would steal my tranquility and ravage my happy home.

If David can be unafraid and face the threat in the knowledge that he is enough, I can too. 

I am David.

Goliath will not be my nemesis.  I alone can defeat the peril with the sweet spirit of a shepherd protecting what they have been charged to watch over. 

Oh Lord, hear my prayer. Shepherd me through this perilous time.

The ocean calls to us all.

/ wvfurandroot / Leave a comment

The ocean calls to us all.  The beach beckons.  The dawning sky a revelation of seashells on the shore gifted to us with the tide.   

The sun, the sky, the ocean, the shore – the four elements of life.  Earth, air, fire, and water.  Complete in one spot and rich with the ions that bring us a sense of peace and well-being.  The ocean calls to us all. 

A perfect locale.  All of creation revels in the sand, sea, and sun.  All of creation floats as if in the womb in the water beyond the breakers.  All of creation marvels at the wonder of moon pull and sun shine.   

To see dolphins leap, fish in the shallows, birds swooping and swirling, and, when we’re lucky, a stag enjoying a brisk afternoon swim is to see the planet for what it is – a place that teems with life, that is pure, mystery mixed with a bit of magic.  This is our planet.  Our being the dolphins and the birds and the stag and the fish and all creatures great and small including us.   

Dappled sunlight on the surface of the water causes the dolphins to leave a trail of sparkle when they leap.  Is it not sad that humans leave a wake of ruin and debris as we move. 

But not always.  Sometimes we humans leave a trail of art or a trail of love or a trail of charity.  We are not evil, but we are misguided.  We focus on the wrong things.  We forget that the ocean calls to us all to be complete, to be artists, to be art — to drift along in the beauty we’ve been given.  To get back to the elements of sea, sun, sky, and shore.  The tide swells rocking us like a mother with a baby. 

Our brain waves sync with the rhythm and we become united with the sea, the sand, the wind.  We coexist – we do not rule.  We do not ruin.  We do not improve.  We just are.  Just breathe. 

Let the sea call to us all like a preacher in a country church calling sinners to the altar.  Let us find forgiveness and peace and discover our place in the universe.  To leave a trail of love amidst the beauty given to us. 

Outlier

/ wvfurandroot / 3 Comments

At this stage of life, I am realizing that the social conditioning of my youth has not been good for me. I was fed attitudes, opinions, and beliefs that were not my own but were presented as right and proper. Men were to be catered to, a woman’s role was to care for her husband and children, authority was to be obeyed, God was omniscient –not just saw everything but willed it into being.

Photo by Will Myers on Unsplash

Consequently, I think I was an intellectual cripple until my 40s when my blinders were ripped off by the circumstances of life. My marriage was failing, my son was grown, and authority was abysmally wrong on so many things.

It all came to a head in 2002 as I entered my last year of full-time college.  I had dropped out when young and unfocused and hampered by my social conditioning, but returned in my late 30s when I was restless and confident there was more to life than I’d been led to believe.  Sociology, anthropology, and philosophy classes taught me to question everything I had been indoctrinated with.  It was tumultuous, but also comforting. It wasn’t too late to have a meaningful life.  I could still achieve self-actualization.

I had always been told I could do anything, and I felt guilty for not having achieved much. But in retrospect, that was just pablum fed to me as everything else directed me to be a plaything, a servant, a doormat.  How can you be anything when you are busy finding and maintaining a husband, a home, a child, and a job all while looking good and cooking delicious meals.

That return to college in the late 90s created a line in my life.  What happened before and what happened after.  I have been far happier with the after in spite of trials and tribulations.

The difference has been I have ignored that early conditioning.  But I feel like a maverick—an outlier.  I need to unlearn that shit completely.  Wipe it from my memory banks so that I can look aghast at all the other social conditioning that I’ve been subjected to and just don’t realize yet. The first 40 years of my life culminated in my understanding that authority had been wrong and I had been hoodwinked. The past 24 years have taught me there is a bottomless depth of bullshit installed in my head – much of it I’m probably still unaware it’s there and ticking.  Yes, ticking, like a bomb to catch me unaware and unready for the challenges to come — aging, eldercare, and all the other still unknowns. Lord only knows what’s in my head waiting to unleash misery and mayhem due to early teachings.  I need to unlearn that bullshit now.  Now.