It’s important to have a retirement plan.  The statistics reveal that many people, especially men, die within a few years of retirement.  The key, they say, is to be active and have hobbies that you enjoy. 

I don’t think I will have any problem with that, but I do worry about being physically active since my hobby – my avocation – is writing.  The older I get, the harder it is to be mobile for any length of time, so I need to nip this in the bud.

I’m not really an exercise kind of chick aside from yoga.  And yes, I will quickly enroll in a yoga class once I’m fully retired.  But I don’t think that’s going to be enough.

So, perhaps you can imagine my delight when I ran across the (fake) news story of a Florida woman who dressed as a pirate, complete with an eye patch, drove to the mall, dropped a kayak into the fountain, got in the kayak, and hollered “Ahoy me maties” and “Surrender your booty” at passing shoppers. 

Now, first of all, carrying that kayak from the car to the fountain was a good workout.  And if you’ve ever been in a kayak, you know that just getting into one isn’t all that easy either.  And then to row while entertaining a growing crowd? Now that’s a workout. 

The arrest part is unfortunate, but perhaps one could get a permit or such?  It would add so much pizazz to the boring Silver Sneakers workout.  And that doesn’t even factor in the exercise of shopping for pirate costumes and accoutrements. 

The tri-state area has several fountains.  There’s one at Ritter Park and, of course, the one at Marshall, but it would be gauche to do such a thing at a memorial.  Of course, the mall has one or did.  I haven’t been in the mall for years.  There’s one at Pullman Square, I think. The Civic Center may have one.  And that doesn’t even count the surrounding towns.  I would stay busy both performing in the fountains and searching for new fountains. 

I could also branch out into rivers and creeks.  I think performing on the Ohio River at Picnic with the Pops would add an extra layer of entertainment for the participants.  And there’s that manmade lake at Barboursville Park.  Four Pole Creek meanders through Ritter Park, which hosts all sorts of events that could be improved with a pirate ac

After a certain amount of time, I could recruit for a crew.  Just think.  An armada of kayaks bearing old women in pirate costumes!  Who could have imagined I’d reach fame in my senior years?

I think it’s a plan.