A friend of mine, Tara in Alaska, and I were on a tear to get Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” back on the charts. We failed.
Alas.
But it’s spring in West Virginia and there is no more glorious sight.
A friend of mine, Tara in Alaska, and I were on a tear to get Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” back on the charts. We failed.
Alas.
But it’s spring in West Virginia and there is no more glorious sight.
I’m a smoker. I love the stuff. I know the dangers, but I really, really enjoy nicotine. I don’t think I can write without the stuff. I’m serious.
I really hate being addicted. I hate that Big Tobacco is dictating my behavior and the government is taxing the hell out of me. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
But we smokers know that quitting ain’t easy. (All you ex-smokers can just shut up right now.) It’s pretty much been determined that getting off heroin is easier than nicotine. I have quit before – for years at a time. My body goes haywire, I gain a gazillion pounds, and everyone says to me, “But don’t you feel so much better now?” And I snap, “No!” I miss them every day of every week of every year that I’m not smoking.
Even so, I’m an atypical smoker.
I love cigarettes, yet I hate the damn things too. I really hate the tobacco companies. And I’m extremely pissed that we’re subsidizing tobacco and taxing the hell out of it rather than just making it illegal. (See? I hate it so much I’ve got to rant on the subject twice in one post.) Since, I’m generally against criminalizing drugs, I realize my thoughts on this are not logical. Sue me.
Still, hope springs eternal that I can quit and feel good during the process and more importantly, afterwards.
I read about the e-cigarette in the news not too long ago. It seems the FDA is not terrifically happy about it and proprietors are forbidden to sell it as a stop smoking aid. It’s an “alternative to tobacco.” There are tons of customer testimonials, however, that witness to its ability to end the evil habit. I scoffed.
The e-cigarette is supposedly a marvel of technology that looks pretty much like a regular cigarette. I wish the filter felt more papery. The whole thing has a ceramic feel to it and it’s heavier than a regular cigarette. There’s an LED light on the end that glows red when one inhales on the filter. The feel in the hand is a bit off, but not irritatingly so. The LED “ember” struck me as ludicrous until I realized it signals when you need to charge the thing up.
The filter – now here’s where it gets interesting – contains a cartridge of nicotine and glycol. When you inhale, the atomizer produces a fine mist that feels (I swear) like smoke and tastes like a cigarette.
How do I know all this? I test drove a friend’s – the same friend I teased unmercifully about the too-ridiculous-to-be-true stupidly named “e-cigarette.” Then I went web surfing. I immediately quit scoffing and began scrounging up the money to get my own. Said friend is down from 2 packs to 5 real cigarettes a day.)
The cartridges come in regular, menthol, and a variety of flavors. They also come in several different levels of nicotine – from “high” to “none.” If I did the math correctly, once you get the starter gear, it works out to about $5 a carton. So whether you’re trying to quit (which the FDA forbids you try to do with this thing) or just trying to save money, this could be your ticket. After quitting, one can buy non-nicotine cartridges for those events where succumbing to temptation to bum a cigarette might occur. (Or to use when writing or like, um, after sex.)
So my deluxe starter kit arrived today and my batteries just got done charging.
Look Ma! No dirty ash trays! No lighters. No tar. No carbon monoxide. Even if I can’t quit, theoretically, this is “healthier.” I think. But I’m tickled pink with the damn things. I can lay it down anywhere. There’s no mess, no debris, and it all packages nicely into the tiny cigarette case that came with my kit. There’s a car charger, a wall charger and a USB charger (no kidding, I can charge the silly thing while I’m writing).
It’s going to take some getting used too, but my initial reaction is positive except for the user’s manual which is a hoot and a holler. It was clearly written by someone with a bad command of the English language. It took me forever to figure out how to put the cartridge in. What directions there are, are obtuse and, many, are missing altogether. The cover of the manual is, itself, great humor. I’m informed right off the bat that the thing is “Safe, Faddish, Healthy, and Environmentally Friendly.” Yup, I’ll be glowing with pride to be “faddish.”
Since I’ve only been using the thing about an hour, I’m NOT recommending it at this point. Email me at wvfurandroot at gmail dot com if you want more info. (Or just email me, I love email.) I’m not posting company names or nuttin’ until I have a better handle on whether this is a Good Thing ™ or not.
I like Tennyson ‘s poem The Lady of Shalott and, consequently, I like John William Waterhouse’s painting inspired (I think) by the poem. At great expense, I framed a cheap print and hung it over my faux fireplace. The glass of the framing is reflecting the atrium door and the lushness of my private forest that all this damn rain has provoked. (There are blessings even in the annoyances of life.) The Waterhouse painting and the Tennyson poem have significance for me. I’m particularly struck by the line “I am half-sick of shadows.”
It’s been a rough time for those of us who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and/or Clinical Depression. That line resonates because whenever I bottom out the sentiment hauls me back up. I am heartily sick of shadows. All this rain isn’t helping, but I’m on my way back up. Here’s Tennyson’s poem: I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
On either side the river lie
Long fields of barley and of rye,
That clothe the wold and meet the sky;
And through the field the road run by
To many-tower’d Camelot;
And up and down the people go,
Gazing where the lilies blow
Round an island there below,
The island of Shalott.
Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Through the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four grey walls, and four grey towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers
The Lady of Shalott.
By the margin, willow veil’d,
Slide the heavy barges trail’d
By slow horses; and unhail’d
The shallop flitteth silken-sail’d
Skimming down to Camelot:
But who hath seen her wave her hand?
Or at the casement seen her stand?
Or is she known in all the land,
The Lady of Shalott?
Only reapers, reaping early,
In among the bearded barley
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly;
Down to tower’d Camelot;
And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers, ” ‘Tis the fairy
The Lady of Shalott.”
There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.
And moving through a mirror clear
That hangs before her all the year,
Shadows of the world appear.
There she sees the highway near
Winding down to Camelot;
There the river eddy whirls,
And there the surly village churls,
And the red cloaks of market girls
Pass onward from Shalott.
Sometimes a troop of damsels glad,
An abbot on an ambling pad,
Sometimes a curly shepherd lad,
Or long-hair’d page in crimson clad
Goes by to tower’d Camelot;
And sometimes through the mirror blue
The knights come riding two and two.
She hath no loyal Knight and true,
The Lady of Shalott.
But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror’s magic sights,
For often through the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights
And music, went to Camelot;
Or when the Moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed.
“I am half sick of shadows,” said
The Lady of Shalott.
A bow-shot from her bower-eaves,
He rode between the barley sheaves,
The sun came dazzling thro’ the leaves,
And flamed upon the brazen greaves
Of bold Sir Lancelot.
A red-cross knight for ever kneel’d
To a lady in his shield,
That sparkled on the yellow field,
Beside remote Shalott.
The gemmy bridle glitter’d free,
Like to some branch of stars we see
Hung in the golden Galaxy.
The bridle bells rang merrily
As he rode down to Camelot:
And from his blazon’d baldric slung
A mighty silver bugle hung,
And as he rode his armor rung
Beside remote Shalott.
All in the blue unclouded weather
Thick-jewell’d shone the saddle-leather,
The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn’d like one burning flame together,
As he rode down to Camelot.
As often thro’ the purple night,
Below the starry clusters bright,
Some bearded meteor, burning bright,
Moves over still Shalott.
His broad clear brow in sunlight glow’d;
On burnish’d hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow’d
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down to Camelot.
From the bank and from the river
He flashed into the crystal mirror,
“Tirra lirra,” by the river
Sang Sir Lancelot.
She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces through the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look’d down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack’d from side to side;
“The curse is come upon me,” cried
The Lady of Shalott.
In the stormy east-wind straining,
The pale yellow woods were waning,
The broad stream in his banks complaining.
Heavily the low sky raining
Over tower’d Camelot;
Down she came and found a boat
Beneath a willow left afloat,
And around about the prow she wrote
The Lady of Shalott.
And down the river’s dim expanse
Like some bold seer in a trance,
Seeing all his own mischance —
With a glassy countenance
Did she look to Camelot.
And at the closing of the day
She loosed the chain, and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her far away,
The Lady of Shalott.
Lying, robed in snowy white
That loosely flew to left and right —
The leaves upon her falling light —
Thro’ the noises of the night,
She floated down to Camelot:
And as the boat-head wound along
The willowy hills and fields among,
They heard her singing her last song,
The Lady of Shalott.
Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darkened wholly,
Turn’d to tower’d Camelot.
For ere she reach’d upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.
Under tower and balcony,
By garden-wall and gallery,
A gleaming shape she floated by,
Dead-pale between the houses high,
Silent into Camelot.
Out upon the wharfs they came,
Knight and Burgher, Lord and Dame,
And around the prow they read her name,
The Lady of Shalott.
Who is this? And what is here?
And in the lighted palace near
Died the sound of royal cheer;
And they crossed themselves for fear,
All the Knights at Camelot;
But Lancelot mused a little space
He said, “She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott.”
–Tennyson

My First Award - The Bella
BuzzardBilly over at BuzzardBilly: Appalachian Being gave me a Bella Award. Woo Hoo!!!! I came in 16th out of 15 and I couldn’t be more tickled. This is my first award. Yes, it’s true. Citizens of Cyberia have not come flocking to my blog to partake of my wisdom. Incredible, yes, I know. But BB knows a good thing when she sees it. Even if she initially forgot (sniff).
My Faithful Readers, I think, have formed a secret cadre to keep me a secret. I guess that’s okay, if it’s done out of love. Still, I’m getting several, some times many, hits a day from people looking for peignoirs. I’m tellin ya; there’s a fortune to be made in negligees. Or I could just post about negligees exclusively and watch the hit counter go wild. (My stats for May are in the toilet because I’ve been too busy to blog so I have to use the word negligee at least one more time.)
I think I’d rather have a small group of connoisseurs than teeming masses of the great unwashed. Kind of like an artisan beer, I’m an acquired taste though immediately pleasing to the more sophisticated palate.
I’m supposed to pass the award on to another 15 people (or 16 or 20 – seems the rules are kind of fluid). That’s going to take some studying on.
So. Picture me twirling and preening, clutching my award to my chest, occasionally hollering Tuwanda! I’ll be passing out awards tomorrow. (Note: I am open to bribes.)
–Connie (clearly this thing has gone to my head cuz I haven’t drunk enough of the Michelob yet to explain the rampant ego in this post. Hopefully folks realize its tongue-in-cheekiness.)