Like Fannie Flagg wrote, Towanda!

Towanda has two meanings ‘peaceful resting place’, ‘many waters’ or ‘rushing waters’. The latter water meaning is an Osage Indian word.  I use it as Fannie Flagg wrote it in Fried Green Tomatoes – as the battle cry of Idgie’s alter-ego, an Amazon woman.

This coming week has seven full days as do all weeks.  But this will be my first full normal week in a while.  I work all five days, I have yoga class, I have a friend’s housewarming open house, and I have some medical appointments to take my mother to. And writing group six of those mornings.  Blissful normalcy.

I am always ready for this week after the holidays.  In the weeks leading up to the festivities of yule, there are office parties, time off, usually a sick day, and a frenzy of work.  It’s stress added to an already stressful life, overwhelming.  The return to normalcy provokes a psychological ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I say normal week.  My normal and yours are probably different.  Yes, I still have no water.  Yes, I am still inordinately stressed, and yes, my to-do list is 9 miles long and growing but these are practically norms now.  I wrote earlier this week that I need routine in my life.  And, boy, do I ever this year. 

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Liminal Space

I discovered while being unemployed for the first time ever if you don’t count the year I had a newborn, that I need routine in my life.  It pained me to admit it.  I had thought of myself always as a free spirit chafing against the status quo.

And there I was unmoored.  Of course, the financial uncertainty and need to find a new job colored the experience, but overall, I learned a lot about myself.

Left to my own devices, I am a train wreck.  I need structure and ritual in my life.

Photo by Conscious Design on Unsplash

The COVID years of working at home just really drove this home.  That 18 months or so I was here working is time I will never have back. Wasted. I lost the rhythm of my life. I have been uncentered.

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My intentions are good.

I like writing unless I have a formal project to work on and then I procrastinate it.  I do a lot of head-writing but don’t put it on paper.  Fear of failure?  Needing an adrenaline surge to produce?  Right now, I have hanging over my head, an article that I need to write from an interview of one of my all-time favorite people.

Photo by Martha Dominguez de Gouveia on Unsplash

I think this piece will get a reasonably large readership.  Everyone knows her and everyone loves her.  She’s more fun than a box of puppies. 

I like having an audience.  I do write to know what I think, but I also write to be read.  Of course, I have some pieces that will never see an editor’s pen, but others I want out there for anyone to read at will. 

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My Fantasy Self

If I could fly, I would soar to Mexico

If I could soar to Mexico, I would bask on a beach with a margarita.

If I could bask on a beach with a margarita, I would think of nothing.

If I could think of nothing, I would find my breathing deep and relaxed.

If I could breathe deep and relaxed, I would think through all these problems.

If I could think through these problems, I would have a plan.

And if I could have a plan, I would work it and work it.

I would work that plan and create the life I’m striving for. 

But real life keeps intervening and derails my planning.  If I could, I would.

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