Happy, but not content.

053It’s Saturday morning and I’m in the study. Lord, this room is a mess.  All the flotsam and jetsam of the past couple of years that I don’t know what to do with has landed in this room. Couple that with the fact that it needs a good cleaning and you have one big mess.  Yet, it’s a comfortable room — dead bugs, cobwebs and heaps of junk, aside.

I haven’t been able to write and to some extent, I still can’t. But I want to and that’s a huge step forward.

I’m oddly happy these days. And bored.  I’m not sure if those two things are related.  There’s more than enough to do which is to say I have no good reason for being bored.  Perhaps, I’m just in a time out.

As usual, I have an ambitious to-do list. With the change of weather has come some ambition after the long lethargy of the spring and summer.  Perhaps, it’s time for me to be done with this time-out.

I think I deserved a season or two of inertia, but I’ve reached the point where I’m tired of being bored. Tired of unfinished projects.  Tired of having my life on hold while I wait for something – a something undefined.  I think I’ve been waiting for now – this time when I’m unaccountably happy.  A time when I could be content if the to-do list wasn’t about to topple over and kill me.

Contentment – what a sweet word and lovely idea. To be content must be the greatest blessing.  The trick, I think, is to be content in the midst of chaos and I’ve yet to learn that skill.  I’ll put it on the to-do list.

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Filed under October 2014

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