I’ve Always Wanted to…Skydive

I always wanted to skydive. 

Really.

I had plans to do so with a friend, but dammit all, she had the temerity to get herself killed in a motorcycle accident before we could execute the plan. 

Photo by Mario Gogh on Unsplash

She was quite an inspiration in my life and I was just never able to bring myself to do the skydiving thing without her.  And then in my late 30s, my chiropractor asked me, “Do you ski?” I said No.  And he said, “Good.  Don’t take it up.”  And then I said, “I suppose that means skydiving is out too.” 

The look on his face.  Apparently, he was terrified of flying.  You would have thought I’d suggested he remove a testicle or something.  “Oh, God, no.  No.  No skydiving.”

And so, it’s a want that will forever be unfulfilled and I find myself mourning the loss.  How many other I always wanted tos am I not going to be able to do?

Getting old sucks.

And so I must concentrate on the I always wanted tos that I can do.  In no particular order:

I’ve always wanted to learn how to make Angie Conley’s Salted Caramel Cake.  It’s a marvel.  She gave me the recipe and it’s a two-day process with about a $100 worth of ingredients and equipment.  But it’s on my to-do list.

I’ve always wanted to learn how to crochet.  I tried to teach myself.  My ex-mother-in-law tried to teach me.  I could do it as long as she sat right there by me.  The minute she left the room, something gawdawful would happen and I’d end up crocheting my hair to my belt loops or something. Still, I have a large tote bag filled with patterns, yarn, and hooks.  Someday, I will learn.

I’ve always wanted to do a two-week vacation by myself at the beach.  Just me, the laptop, and hours of sitting on the beach.  A writing/respite retreat where I answer to no one and nothing for 14 days.  This one is doable if I would quit scheduling other stuff.  But I want the other stuff too.

This brings us to:

I’ve always wanted to do everything.  Experience everything.  See everything.  I want to go, go, go.  Do, do do.  Eat, eat, eat and savor, savor, savor.

I want it all.  I’ve riffed on this before, but truly I do.  My ex used to say to me in complete exasperation, “You just want it all!”  I was always like, “Um, yeah.  Don’t you?”  I don’t see life in either or

And is my favorite word. 

And this is a problem some of the time.  Menus are my nemesis.  I want it all.  Choosing one entrée just slays me.  I love restaurants that have sampler platters.  This is especially difficult when I uncharacteristically don’t overeat and decide to have dessert.  I want them all.  My dearly departed Susan and I once ordered all the desserts on the menu of an upscale restaurant one night.  It was decadent and delightful, and we entertained the whole restaurant. 

Travel – I want to go everywhere.  Right now.  I want to see it all.  Castles and temples and museums and rivers and caves and oceans and street vendors and elephants and giraffes and gardens and yurts and wild horses and northern lights and the southern cross and and and…

I will and my way through life for as long as I can.

And….   Is the word of possibilities.  The word or subtracts.  This OR that.  Cake OR Pie.  One OR the other.

Ick, ugh, and no.  Just no. 

Give me and or give me death. I want it all.

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