Art

I am genetically predisposed to be one of the idle rich.

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Yes, that’s me as rendered by AI. I’m still against AI, and I didn’t ask for this picture, but I can’t resist.

Until exactly five years ago this month, I had always been able to say that every problem plaguing me could be quickly solved with a large influx of cold, hard cash.  And I said that with reverence as I knew how fortunate that made me.  My health was good, I loved where I lived, my relationships and friendships were rewarding, and I loved where I worked, even if the nuts and bolts of what I did weren’t rewarding. When I let my Inner Writer free, life really got good.

Except for money.  I am not good with money.  I have never been good with money.  And I’ve never had enough money for this weakness to be that big of a factor. 

But after the almost five-year bout of COVID and Long COVID and back problems, I have a new appreciation for health.  For a while, the situation seemed dire, and I mourned everything I wasn’t going to be able to do if physically disabled by these problems.  The good stuff would still be there – my relationships, my writing. But I might lose the financial security of my job, and I would be plunged into abject poverty without the means to ease it.

Oh, how I mourned the life I had envisioned for these closing years. 

Well.  The Long COVID seems to be gone (hallelujah!), and we are handling the back problems. I am physically and mentally much better and still able to work. Hope ruled my psyche once again. But I am still hamstrung by financial matters.

I’ve read countless accounts and statistics about big lottery winners. It’s almost a universal experience that they end up broke and miserable.  I always read this with interest, trying to glean the why.  It always boiled down to greed combined with philanthropy.  They invested in risky projects, spent uncontrollably, and bailed friends and family out of their financial hells. 

I developed a plan.  Never mind that you have to actually buy a lottery ticket to win the lottery; I had a plan in place.  I had chosen the investment advisor I would use.  I had chosen the person I would hire to handle mundane matters like paying the bills, hiring the housecleaning staff, and dealing with pleas for money.

Me?  I was going to live a blissful life of the arts and travel.  I was going to see it all.  They say if you go to Paris, you need a month to see all the Louvre has to offer. Rome requires even more time.

My life of poverty has left me always short of time.  A lottery win’s gift of time would be the greatest blessing. Time to write, time to travel, time to garden, time to cook, and time to nurture my loved ones. 

Oh, I have it all planned. All of it. 

At a very young age, I first quipped: I was genetically predisposed to be one of the idle rich. I’ve repeated that line like a mantra my whole life in tandem with more time, more time, more time.

I’m in the last twenty years of my life.  To be given every minute to do as I choose would be a luxury I can barely even process.  And to spend that time with family and friends with lots of travel, art, and fine food thrown in would be so so so… something. I’m at a loss for superlatives. 

So, the trick now is to figure out how to do most of this in tandem with the daily problems and responsibilities of my normal life.  I’m working on it.

Fractured Ekphrastic: The Conversation

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Alice R. Henderson is believed to have painted the piece attributed to Matisse titled The Conversation.  The image is that of a dark-haired woman in a black robe sitting in a chair.  Standing opposite her is a red-headed man.  He is wearing pajamas.  The expressions on their faces are familiar but hard to put to words, although it is clear the woman is not happy.

Persephone wants to leave early, and Hades won’t let her. For six months of every year, for centuries now, she has gone to the underworld and hidden herself away.  The earth transitions to winter during her confinement, and the people long for a return to warmth and growth. But Persephone is forced to stay in her chambers and slumber. She is weary of sleep.  Weary of stillness.  Weary of the silence.  

The look Alice R. Henderson painted on their faces is one of yearning and discontent.  The people who line up to view this painting, all of them, instantly vibrate.  They know that look.  They know the feeling is uncomfortable, but they don’t have the words.  They can’t have The Conversation.

They want to.  Oh, how they want to.   Everyone views the painting and regards it as a Zen koan.  They don’t know what that look is, but when they leave, they are transformed.  They make changes.  They leave jobs, they leave marriages, they leave countries.  When asked to explain, they say nothing, or they say, “I don’t have the words” or they say “Go see the painting.” 

They know the feeling is uncomfortable, but they don’t have the words. They know the feeling provokes change.  They have had the conversation and expressed their discontent and expressed what it is they yearned to experience. The conversation between their heart and their brain was silent, but the silence reverberated. It is revealed in the lives they go on to live.

Persephone wants to wake.  She wants to return to warmth and growth.

Note: Alice R. Henderson was Matisse’s scullery maid. 
He noticed her artistic promise when he saw her drawing rather than eating during her meal break.
It has been alleged that Matisse’s departure from the open, spontaneous brushwork of his Fauve period in favor of a flatter, more decorative style coincides with Henderson’s employment at the Matisse residence.
No one is sure how much of what is attributed to Matisse is actually Henderson’s work.

*****

[An aside: As are many of my stories, essays, and poems, this one began as my response to a writing prompt.

For this one, we were given an image of an older woman holding a candle (I think-we were only given a moment or so to view the painting.]

The image was accompanied by this text: What story did she recreate as art?

There is no Alice R. Henderson. Matisse did indeed paint The Conversation, and it is a self-portrait of the artist and his wife. Matisse is an interesting guy, but so too was his wife. It has been postulated that many of Matisse’s shenanigans were orchestrated to draw attention away from his wife while she was working with the French Underground during the Nazi occupation of France.

This enigmatic piece has haunted me for years.]

Platitudes

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Young Lady Reading a Red Book
by Amalia Suruceanu

Where did you find this card?  It is scrumptious — hand-made paper and a soft watercolor image that I think might have been an original.  You didn’t make this, did you?  Was this all your handiwork?

If so, I’ve never had a handmade card deliver an I’m breaking up with you message before. 

Your card arrived in the mail today.  I noticed the pink envelope first, and then my heart beat faster when I saw it was your handwriting. 

You’ve always been an original. 

My heart stopped for a minute after I read the first line. Although those opening words were innocuous, I knew what was coming.  I knew as soon as I saw your writing on the envelope. 

I knew. 

Continue reading →

The Sacred Hour

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Dawn is the sacred hour.  We move from one world to the next accompanied by a dramatic lighting of this world.

Old Window in Finland by Helena Turpeinen, poster to View From My Window Facebook group

It wasn’t until my late 40s I was able to appreciate or regularly meet the dawn.  If my sleep schedule ever regulates, I will miss these holy hours.  I wake in the dark and cast off the stories my psyche told me while asleep and head for my beloved roll-top desk. 

Dependent on the time of year, it could be some time before the dawning or just minutes.

But as I write the stories and sip coffee in silence, I glance over my shoulder through the atrium doors to look for the first arc of light. 

It usually begins as a soft peachy pink rising with the fog over the hills and peeking through the trees.  Dependent on weather and time of year, the color will sometimes intensify, sometimes wane, but always is a hearkening.

Here we are again.  We made it to another day.

The silence is important. 

Soon, the birds will start and the world will begin its hustle, but for a few minutes it’s just light and the creation of a new day, the creation of a new story to be told.  Color on the silhouettes of the mountains bring me such contentment. 

In twelve days, I will be on the shore of Lake Okeechobee in Florida.  I’ve never been there before but I’ve seen sunset photos–another sacred part of the day.  I am eager to nestle with my lover before leaving our bed to sit on the dock with my mug of coffee and journal.  It won’t be silent – the lapping of the tide should, will, create its own sounds of peace.  I am eager to see the Spanish moss hanging from the trees light up as the sun begins it ritual. 

I’m sure I will photograph the scene in order to remember it, but I hope it imprints on my heart. 

This is the sacred hour.  Rejoice in the silence and witness the light.  Turn to a new page and tell the story.